dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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