She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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