i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
