I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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