New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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