I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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