you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
this is an emotional support booty call
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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