I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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