could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he thought i was a dude.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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