the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There r osticjed everywhere
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
