Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
