I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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