dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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