what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
