I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
