I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Randomize
