I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
