Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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