i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
