You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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