Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
