You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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