yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
