Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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