This is not my ceiling
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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