sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
