he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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