You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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