so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
