his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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