Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
