You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
