Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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