THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
