My boss' voice literally gives me gas
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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