Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
