New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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