I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
