I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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