She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
