Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
