How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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