he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
