If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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