I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
