an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
