At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
