stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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