Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
