I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
