he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
